Sorry I haven't been on here for a while!! I've had a LOT on my personal plate recently but I've been writing in my blog-journal that I carry with me and I'll hope to get them all uploaded as time allows. Let me start with this first one because it's something I keep seeing and something I'm compelled to talk about...DIETS.
We all have times in our lives where we need to change up the eating routine and maybe shed a few pounds. But I hate (yes, I said HATE!) when articles want to talk about diets and how much weight you can lose. The choices all become weight based instead of health based...and this is why we keep circling the obesity drain in the US!!
Okay, let's get real.
I'm 5'6" and a spoon shape (think small up top and thick hips) and in my adult life I've been everywhere from 119 pounds to 160 pounds, ranging from a juniors size 5 to a tight 12. I currently am 138 pounds with 23% body fat and I wear a size 6. So I look at that...I'm 19 (!!) pounds heavier than my smallest weight and only 1 size different. So, what's the deal? The deal is the diet mentality.
It's SO easy to look at thick hips, or a number on a scale, or the rump jiggle, and think, MAN, I need to be on a diet. And that's just what I did in high school and most of college. Between the ever present mirror in the dance studio I spent probably 20 hours a week in front of to the mirror, to my lacrosse kilt that flipped up when I ran to show my tush, my show choir spandex uniform, I was a constant dieter. Calories were my enemy and kept myself to under 1000 calories per day, and most of those were processed horrible for me foods. Yep, I was in a company dance program, played sports, was in show choir (more dancing), horseback rode, and exercised between all that whenever I could and I ate less that 1,000 calories a day. And guess what? I was ALWAYS sick, ALWAYS tired, depressed, overwhelmed and my OCD was over the top. I'm not saying there weren't other factors, but let's face it, I was malnourished and my body was crying out! Then send me off to college and add alcohol into that mix, let's just say things didn't really get better.
When I fell in love really fully for the first time and had someone basically say, "stop that shit," to me and tell me they loved my thick hips, I started letting go of all that control. But instead of just eating healthy I just started to eat whatever he did...pizza, nachos, beer, and anything fried. So in my mid-twenties I went from 125 pounds to 160 pounds. And guess what? I was ALWAYS sick, ALWAYS tired, depressed, overwhelmed and my OCD was over the top. I'm not saying there weren't other factors, but let's face it, I was poorly nourished and my body was crying out! Then have me go through a horrible breakup, all while being at a job that sucked my soul, and then add alcohol into that mix, let's just say things didn't really get better.
Then yoga happened. I don't want to say it saved my life, but I'll just say it saved my life. I remember days where I would just lay in savasana and cry while my amazing teacher (one Suzanne Harrell) would just walk by and squeeze my hand letting me know she was aware and that I would be okay. After about a year and a half of practice I started teacher training with Vaz Rogbeck and Sarasvati Devi. 20 hours, 50 hours, 100 hours, 150 hours, ... As the time spent with them (and their INFINITE wisdom) went by I started to learn more about not just the asanas of yoga, but about the Vedic lifestyle. I started making changes in my diet, changes in my thinking, changes in my perspective, and before I knew it I was down to a size 8, I was happier than I'd been in a long time, and when I lost my job I surprisingly didn't crumble. I just found my place on my mat and just held on to that knowledge Suzanne had imparted on me, I would be okay.
So I moved to a new town and found a new job, one I ♥ ♥ ♥ and that goes in line with my outlook these days (I work for an Organic company). When I found out I had a severe food allergy AND a heart condition all within the same year, I made more changes. And life kept getting better and better. When my cardiologist put me on a 6-month exercise ban I was terrified of what would happen without my yoga. But then I remembered one of Sara’s talks about “What Is Yoga.” She told us that as long as we were breathing we were practicing yoga. So several times a week for six months I would pull out my mat, lay in savasana and visualize my ninety minute home practice, breathing in as I imagined my arms floating overhead and exhaling and I swan dived to the floor. Inhale, Exhale, Inhale, Exhale. I will be okay.
After surgery and I could return to exercise I was amazed just how capable my body was after 6-months on inactivity. Sure my balance was off, and sure things were a little softer, but it was if my body had been waiting to just actually move and was thankful to be there.
Now, I know it seems like I’ve digressed from talking about diets to talking about yoga. But that’s the point!!! Whether it’s yoga, or running, or tennis, or swimming, or climbing a mountain, our thoughts should be more about the infinite joy and happiness our minds are capable of and the physical challenges our bodies are capable of. One of the things I love most about the yoga community is that on a daily basis I can watch bodies of all shapes and sizes practice a beautiful routine. There is something in every practice to make every body type feel empowered. And that knowledge, that my broad hips are also super flexible hips, or that my tiny chest is a super open chest takes the focus off the negative and places it where my body is perfectly mine. When we “diet” we enter into our food choices with the mentality that it’s a temporary thing, or that if we indulge we’re a failure. I used to see it that way and I thought I was always less than or that I had something I hadn’t conquered. But on my journey I’ve learned to see that I make food choices now not because the scale seems high, or because I don’t look like the skinny girls, but because I’m simply aware of the connection between my nutrition and my happiness. And happiness isn’t about how skinny I can be, but instead how strong and nourished I can be…both in mind and body.
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