What in the WAH!

I have a dozen other blogs, but none seemed the right place to start this conversation, because, something shifted. Without wanting to overload you, or to jump right in, I’m going to do both. My followers from other blogs, come along for the ride. My new followers, let me say this to you. I am on a mission to live a fulfilled, authentic, open and loving life filled with joy, service, and people of substance. Sometimes I stumble, and sometimes when I get up I decide to take a different path, but these are my journeys. Come along…

My weekend, like always, started with a little yoga. This time I was joined by my dear friend Jesi. She’s someone that I’ve thought of often as we aged and I am so overjoyed to have her back in my life so that I can see the amazing woman, mother, and wife she has become. It’s people like her that give me faith in the awesome power of the human spirit, but that’s her story to tell, not mine.

After flow on Friday, I went to see WAH!. For those of you unfamiliar, (www.wahmusic.com), she is an amazing singer who leads the most beautiful kirtan I have ever attended.

Side Note Alert! Before you start commenting that you thought I was Buddhist, let me explain. First, I am a firm believer that all paths are true and all lead to the same God, full of infinite wisdom, love and realities. We were created with both imagination and faith and what we imagine to be possible can be so if we just have faith in our path, our devotion, and our God. Second, I have an amazing Dharma teacher who reminds me of 2 things in regards to religion.
1 – If you don’t feel comfortable in your beliefs you won’t be devout within them. You don’t get to know your beliefs by keeping your head in a box. You get to know them by looking in every box and then finding the one, or the combinations, that speak to you.
2 – Just like Jesus was a Jew, Buddha was also a Hindu. In order to understand where my branches reach, I need to be grounded in where my roots grow.

Okay, back to the main note, haha. So, I went to see WAH! I’ve meditated my whole adult life. I’ve felt the presence of God and his avatars in ways that would make others question my sanity…in ways that once made me question it. But part of believing is letting go to the possibility that the things we pray to, the things we believe in are actually true. I have followed the path of Humanistic Buddhism for years, but I also believe all paths converge. Say what you will, but after chanting to Krishna, I don’t know, but I was opened up to something I’d forgotten for a while…

That I really love being in love. (for those of you that know me, you know what it takes for me to say that. For those that don't, let's just say that to say that is a BIG deal)

To heavy for a moment, so I decided to meditate on that for a night.

When I woke up on Saturday to a cold, yet beautiful day, I also had an overwhelming urge to take the dogs to the beach. I bundled up in yoga pants, sweat pants, bikini top, long sleeve shirt, baja, ear band and sunglasses and off we went. Cold! So cold even my snow dog wouldn’t go in the water. But they dug in the sand while I did a couple hours of yoga on the beach. Not super exciting to some, but it cleared out the excess and gave clarity to the thoughts that had been swirling around in my head since the night before.

I love being in love, yet I haven’t been in love in 4 ½ years.

I hadn’t really realized it had been that long until I started counting. I’m not saying I haven’t dated, though I really haven’t done much of that in the last 2 years either, just that I haven’t loved them (sorry if you were one of them…I know I wasn’t always kind). But it comes down to that is has been a LONG time since I’ve been in love. And even then, it wasn’t the kind of love I needed. There are layers upon layers of why the Ex and I didn’t work, but I can sum it up for me as I was trying to make myself responsible for someone else’s happiness and make someone else responsible for my happiness. It doesn’t work. I was single, I was unhappy. We were together, I was unhappy. We were apart, I was unhappy. I dated other people, I was unhappy. The recurring theme in all of this was that I was unhappy. So I decided to take some time, to cleanse my system so to speak.

I cut out the negative influences where I could. I repaired relationships with family and friends that needed it. I clung to those friends who truly brought out the best in me. I went from a job I felt soul sucked in to a job where I feel fulfilled and appreciated. I re-found my relationship with my spiritual self. I went to a LOT of therapy. I went to even more yoga. I forgave others for the hurt they’d inflicted on me. I forgave myself for not being stronger. I learned to create valid boundaries. I learned to be comfortable with solitude. I found peace in the knowledge that if I knew all the answers I’d be at the end of my journey and not at the beginning. Little by little, life kept getting better, and then without really being aware of when I made the transition, I became a happy person.

Then I had to go and chant to Krishna! Haha, but seriously. I’d been closing off the “Love” door until I found happiness within myself. When I decided to take a sabbatical from dating I’d told myself that it was unfair to anyone else to put my baggage on someone else, or to hold them responsible for filling something within me that I needed to fill for myself. But I did it. I made peace with past, have accepted the journey, and while there are still frustrations in life sometimes, for the bulk of my life I am happy and live in the moment.
So…as I chanted
Hare Krishna Hare Krishna Krishna Krishna Hare Hare
Hare Rama Hare Rama Rama Rama Hare Hare
I felt it. Like something woke up, and I swear I heard someone say, “Well, okay then. Go for it.” I was chanting to be open to love and life, and there it was.

You can’t take two unhappy people and expect love to transform them. And you can’t ask one happy person to drag the other along. But, if you find two happy people, souls that have done the work, found their path, and decide to allow love to further their happiness (not create it) then that is the kind of love we pray to Krishna for.

So this is me declaring that I’ve found my happy and saying that I am open to love and open to life.